Friday, November 5, 2010

Version 3.0...Looking Forward

Version 2.0
November 5, 2010 - Twenty-three years ago today, Lorraine and I exchanged vows in a tiny chapel in Stateline (Lake Tahoe) Nevada and swore to love each forever. Sadly, a horrible disease took her from us two and a half years ago. I loved her dearly and I always will. But I’m not writing this today to either commiserate or garner sympathy. It just seems be a good idea today to tell you how I feel about love, relationships and continuing on with my life.

Version 1.0
I have been fortunate enough in my life to have twice met the most beautiful woman in the world and been even more fortunate to have both of these beautiful women  fall in love with me.

Version 1.0 - I was only twenty years old when I married my high school sweetheart, D.A.  Unfortunately; this lasted less than four years. The demise was hastened by external factors but it would have none the less likely ended and if not at least one of us would have ended up resenting the other. At this time in my life although I have very little communication with this woman, I feel nothing but love for her and have always been happy for her accomplishments in life. Ultimately, it became a role reversal of old fashioned stereotypes; D.A. became a very successful career woman in a very male dominated industry and I did okay as a father.

Version 2.0 - In June of 1987, I met  Lorraine and then married her that same November and shared twenty-one and a half wonderful years  together. Like all couples we had our ups and downs but as we persevered life’s trials and tribulations we managed to raise a wonderful son, Bryan, The Crown Prince,  in whom we both could be proud. (Even though he’ll continue to drive me crazy well into my nineties.) Although it was so painful to watch her slip away, in an odd way, that last year of her life was also very special because we both realized how much we really did love each other... And even more important she became a San Francisco Giant fan! Lol!

I will love both these women until the day I am forced to leave this amazing planet. The wonderful thing about love is the more love you pour into the vessel the bigger the vessel becomes thus increasing your own capacity to love. I take heart in knowing that one day in the not too distant future I will meet Version 3.0 of the most beautiful woman in the world and again I will be fortunate enough for her to fall in love with me, warts and all.

Awhile back, a former classmate of mine wanting to play matchmaker asked me about what I was looking for in a woman. Being the overly serious man that I am, I came up with three very crucial attributes that I have since shared with a few other helpful friends with similarly warped minds. They are as follows: Drop Dead Gorgeous, Filthy Rich and Extremely Horny. Of course, the degrees of one attribute can vary inversely with the degrees of the others. Metaphorically speaking this is true:
Drop Dead GorgeousThe old adage “beauty is only skin deep” is quite the opposite.  Beauty truly is found behind the eyes in that couple of kilograms of grey gelatinous material we call the mind. A person who is kind, loving and caring will always be more attractive than someone who is selfish and cruel.
Version 3.0?
Filthy Rich – A stable financial situation is really important because starting a relationship with someone who does not meet this criterion is only looking for trouble. I don’t mean, she has to be wealthy but the wolf can’t be knocking at the door at the end of every week. It is a proven fact that money troubles are the third leading cause of divorce right ahead of compatibility and sex but far behind home improvement projects and the Christmas tree. Hey, I know that's true because I read it somewhere on the internet.
Extremely Horny –I am referring to a desire to experience all aspects of life with passion, romance and spontaneity and an adventurous spirit with a  desire to take risks... but only to a point. (See “Running With Safety Scissors” )

So if you know any women who meet these metaphoric criteria feel free to give them my number. Oh, and if they happen to be literally Drop Dead Gorgeous, Filthy Rich and Extremely Horny I wouldn’t object!

And by the way did I happen to mention she has to have big .... ? LOL!!!!

Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day here in the Magic Kingdom. Oh crap, wrong theme park! ;-)


  1. Nicely said, Dennis. Ooops... used the "n" word again....

  2. Version 3.0 eh.

    You lucky duck. I'm still searching for Version 1.0

    And I've been searching for the male equivalent of your list "Drop Dead Gorgeous, Filthy Rich and Extremely Horny". And with your analogy as well.

    Again I say, you lucky duck.

  3. Yes, Colleen I picked up the duck reference! lol!